I walked over to him. He was kinda pudgy and had a receding hairline. "Yes, I can
play." I give him this "look" that no guy can resist. What can I say? When you're
hot, you're hot.
"Show me," he said. I took out this baseball bat and ball and hit the ball so high
and far that I think I crunched Jesus' nuts.
Kat dropped her underwear and came over to where I stood. I gave her a look to tell
her that this guy was up to something. Now, this guy was different. I could tell.
The guy finally took notice of Kat as soon as he couldn't see the damn ball anymore.
"So, Honey," he asked, "can you play as well? What's your name?" There was no wind that
hot, steamy summer day. It was so damn hot that not even the birds would sing.
I began to unbutton my blouse. "Well, my name is Dolly. I mean, Amanda." He
and I started to have a little conversation. Kat doesn't talk much. She's too damn anti-social.
"Do you want to play? I know you are good."
"Yes, I want to play, but my sister has to come. I know I'm good. But how did
you know I'm good? Have I had you in bed?" Now, I know my sister can't play very well.
His face turned deep red. "No. I'm gay," he mumbled with sadness. "But I can change.
I can change!" Quickly, he got out of the car and off went his pants. No underwear.
Terrific. His penis was small, but it just might work.
I caressed it with my hand and said, "Later." While I did this, his penis erected.
And a while ago this guy was gay!
Kat got out of her own world and looked at the horny man. "Can I play baseball too?"
Hasn't she been paying attention where our conversation was going? Obviously, not.
Anyway, she loved baseball, but like I said, she can't play worth shit.
"Boy, he said a little worried, "I don't know if I can fuck two girls at once.
I had trouble fucking one guy."
I wanted to take this baseball bat and... Maybe this guy should have stayed gay.
"Get real you undersized pervert. I wouldn't even "play" baseball with you if you were
the last sex-crazed jack-off on this earth!" I shouted. I saw him watch my breasts heave up
and down as I shouted at him. What an asshole! That just made me madder.
I think Kat read my mind because she hit him in the back of the head with the heel of her
shoe. By the way, she does do stuff like that. For some odd reason, it gives her pleasure to hurt a guy.
I gave him a long, hard stare. I think it just made him hornier. "Now, get this right,
Little Man. Do we get to play on a baseball team or not?"
"Yeah, yeah," he answered as he rubbed his balding head. "You both can play."
Chapter 2
Later as we were packing, I thought of my boyfriend and wished condoms were made back then. I sure in hell didn't want my boyfriend to find out that I have been sleeping with other men. Hey, it's his problem that he ain't around here to fuck me all the time. He knew that I have a high and wild sex drive. The only way he'd be able to tell is if I got myself pregnant. And I wasn't about to let that happen.
* * * * *
"Oh, Oooooh. Ooooo," Kit moaned. Nevermind. Kat moaned. She was carrying a suitcase
that must have weighed thirty pounds. It's none of your business what was in there. Anyway,
Kat threw the battered suitcase into the guy's trunk. I came out dragging my beat-up blue one. I was also hauling my baseball bat in my arms. As I tossed in my suitcase with about the same effort that Kat up into it, the bat fell from my arms and landed onto the ground with a bam plunk. I, of course, bent down to pick it up. I wasn't about to leave behind my baseball bat. I had to sleep with some sicko baseball player who thought it was good luck if he didn't shower.
Anyway, back to the story. When I came up, I saw that he had a hard-on. I don't think
this guy got out much.
"Later," I whispered again as I got into the car. I rode shotgun. I wish I had a gun.
Oh, well. Being the teacher that I am; sex teacher for inexperienced guys, that is, I vowed
to teach this guy things he never had a woman do to him before. I closed the door.
Kat jumped in the trunk. Or was it the back seat? It doesn't really matter. She really
never talked. Then why did I write her into the story? For some good reason, she was there. Duh!
We were only two minutes down the road when the old fart had his hand up my skirt. Back
then, I never wore panties or bras. Why in hell should I? If God wanted us to wear them, they
would be already built in. That would be interesting on how a person would go about in order
to have sex. Anyway, back to the story. Quit making me screw up. The fact is, I never wear
such clothing because I am Amanda the Babe.
Chapter 3
At the building where any woman who thinks she's good enough to play baseball, can try out.
Quit asking me what the building is called. How in hell should I know? You've got to
remember that in the present, I am twenty-nine. And I have been twenty-nine, twenty-nine times or something like that. If you still have no clue how old that is, you must be dumber than some of these people I write about. Now, shut up so I can tell the story.
It took us two days to get here. The ex-gay man had made it with me. Yuck.
I swear to God I will remain a virgin after that.
At any rate, at the building, there was this fat chick. Man, was she good at baseball.
And maybe a few other "things." Besides, anyone who fucks that old fart, well, I think it's
about time I give this bisexual asshole a name. I don't remember his name, if I did, I would
gladly give his real name so every man and woman can stay away from him. So, hum, a good name..."Tiny"!
Now like I wanted to say, whom whoever has gotten hit upside the head with a pumpkin and
screws Tiny will probably turn to the other sex for life. Well, anyway, back to my story.
Tiny said that the fat one wouldn't be allowed to play baseball with the rest of us.
That totally pissed me off. I wished I had peed on his leg. "Hey, you piece of dumb
donkey shit!" I shouted at him, "You'z better let that chick play or else me and my sister
are outta here."
We were in the field. It was kinda nice out, but I saw the storm clouds blow in Tiny's
eyes. Is he gonna start bawling?! What a baby! God, I hoped all men weren't as stupid as
this one. Then again, I guess I can't judge the whole weak species of men by just one lousy
specimen.
"Okay," he said with remorse, "she can play." So she did. The old man picked up some
other girls too. I heard the team I was going to be on was called 'The Pink' . . . the pink? . . . Heck, I don't remember. Arugh! Just call us the Pink Beauties.
"Yo, May," said Doris. No, it's not Doris, I mean Brandy. And May, I think is Lana
Ballandby. Doris, er, Brandy, had dark brown hair too. Really thick and conservative like.
Now May was as loose as she could be. She was a do-anything dancer girl. Give her a
dollar, and she'll fuck anything or anyone. To prove it, another girl threw a Barbie doll at May's feet. "Here," she said in a darling voice, "screw this!"
May played hard with one of those scrawny Barbie's legs. "Aaahhhh," she cried with pleasure. May, I mean Lana, then looked at the girl and threw the wet Barbie back at her. Lana calmly put her hand out to other girl and said, "Dollar." The girl looked at the Barbie doll, and then back at May, then the girl reached into her cleavage and fished out the dollar. As she shoved the dollar in Lana's hand, the girl made a face of disgust and then she turned and walked away.
May smiled, "Nice doing business with you." She slipped the dollar into her garter.
"Way to go, May!" Brandy shouted happily. May stuck out her hand to give Doris,
Brandy, whoever, a high five, but at the last minute, Brandy took her hand away and patted
May's back. There was no way in hell she'd want to touch May's hands after what she did with
them. Then all of us went outside to see if we made the team.
* * * * *
May, Doris, Kit, and I made the team. Doris and Kit ran off to celebrate, leaving May
here with me.
"Yes!" I shouted to May. "Fucking the old man was almost worth it. Almost." I began
to jump around, but my tits fought back, and won. Damn! I should really wrap those things.
"I wonder what would happen if I screwed that old man." May licked her lips with her
flexible tongue. I could probably do better than you. Hmmmm. Does he have a large cock?"
she asked.
I grinned, thought for the perfect wording so I wouldn't throw this slut off. "You'll
find out," I said. Smirking, I knew that after a minute of sex with him, she'll never want
to suck penis again. I watched May running as lady like as she could to the old man's place.
I laughed and I took up a baseball and a bat, and went to the field to practice. I had to get
that nasty man out of my mind. Ewwww.
About five minutes of pitching, and swinging the bat around, May came running back to us,
towards me, specifically. Her face was lit up with a smile. Oh, God, here we go. "You were
right," May told me while trying to get her bra on straight.
"About what?" I asked nonchalantly. I didn't know what the hell she was talking about,
although I had an idea. But still, I didn't want to know. Sometimes stupid people have the
greatest advantages.
"He was GREAT!" May exclaimed as she hiked her thong back up her butt. She waited for
my reaction, but since I wasn't about her let her know I was about to vomit, she continued.
"He also tasted great!" What in the hell of holy hells was wrong with her?! I would
have thought that since May has a large mouth that she'd like big cocks. I guess I'm wrong.
First time for everything, so please don't tell anyone. Anyway, this girl was blah blah blah
nonstop. "I'm going back to my room to get ready for tonight." She winked at me. "I'm
going out with the old man again." She walked off with her ass moving back and forth about
90 mph. It looked like two squirrels fighting in a dark blue bag.
One Day in the Life of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Forward note: I wrote this when I was sixteen years old for my friend's little brother. I gave his this story plus an autographed photo of the TMNT which they signed to him. The story is kinda corny, but cute.
One hot summer's day, in the sewers, the Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles were fast asleep in their beds while visions of pizza danced in their heads.
At exactly six-thirty in the morning, Splinter's alarm rat sounded off. Eek, eek, eek. Pause. Eek, eek, eek. The eyes lit up everytime it "eeked".
"Leo," yelled Raphael, "turn that darn alarm off or I'll eek, eek, myself!"
Leonardo who was now half awake turned in the direction of Raph's voice and the alarm rat. "Okay, Raphael, I'm turning it off." Slowly, Leo reached out of bed and pushed down the "Snooze/Off" button on the rat's back. The pulsing eek's stopped.
Michelangelo was already out of bed and quickly tying on his eye mask and belt and putting his nunchakus into his belt. "Come on, compadres, lets scarf down some totally awesome pizza," Michelangelo voiced as he sat down next to Donatello.
Leo, Don, and Raph jumped out of bed.
"I get Raisin Brand cereal pizza," called Leonardo while he started dressing.
Don made another contraction. This one made the beds. He pulled a lever to get it started. "I want Lucky Charms cereal pizza."
The machine came over to Raphael's bed to fix the sheets and by accident, it hit Raphael in the head with its mechanical arm.
Raph cried out in pain. "Damn it, Don! Can't you ever get those things working right? Now, nobody takes the Golden Crisps cereal pizza, or else." He rubbed his head where the robot hit him and leaned against the wall.
Michelangelo was looking at the picture of his girlfriend on the wall and pretending to kiss her. "I wish you were here, dudette. We could be sharing some Coca Puffs cereal pizza together.
Leonardo threw a pillow at Mike.
"Oh, Don, if you were here I'd share my pizza with you. Kiss, kiss," Raph said sarcastically to Donatello.
Don got the idea. "And I too, would give you my last piece of pizza. Marry me. I love you."
Donatello and Raphael starting laughing. Michelangelo was about to attack them when Splinter walked in.
"Turtles, after you are through eating, practice your Ninja skills. Remember, a good Ninja is always prepared."
The turtles followed Splinter into the kitchen where Splinter ate sushi and the turtles ate pizza.
"How can he ate that stuff?" Mike asked Don while lifting a heavy slice a pizza to his mouth.
Donatello looked at Michelangelo strangely and at the same time Raphael and Leonardo slapped their foreheads.
"I think that's because he hates pizza and loves sushi," Don told him.
Raph grabbed another slice of pie. "No duh, Sherlock."
The clock on the wall, above the television read 7:30 am. Leo noticed the time. "Hey, guys, it is already seven-thirty. Didn't Splinter want us to practice? If we don't hurry, he'll make us do thirty back flips."
Raphael, Michelangelo, Leonardo, and Donatello quickly ran to the practice room...where Splinter stood waiting.
* * * * *
April O'Neil did some undercover work on the Shredder and found that the Shredder's real name, his birth name, was Chad Aukes. April called the turtles on the turtle-com and told them of the earth-breaking news.
Around noon, when the turtles went for a half dozen pizzas, they saw the...Shredder. Chad Aukes was strolling down main street searching for a new color lipstick that would match his metal outfit.
Leo called out, "Attack, turtles. Turtle power."
Each of the turtles used their weapons on Chad the Shredder. He receive so much of a beating that he was later brought to a metal ward and never seen again. Actually, five years later, Shredder turned up missing.
"Cowabunga! No more Shred-Head!" joined in all the turtles at once. "Yesssss!" They raised their hands and did a group high-five.
When the turtles began to walk home in the sewers, Leonardo was the first to speak.
"Now that the Shredder is gone, all is left is some puny bad guys. I think we can safely go on vacation. Also..."
"Also," Raph interrupted, "when we get back home, we can order a pizza or two or three or four..."
* * * * *
Fifteen minutes later, Michelangelo was talking on the phone ordering seven pizzas. "Now, listen. I am only goin' to say this once. I want seven pizzas with cheese, raisins, icecream, pepperoni, fudge, bananas, hamburger, whip cream, and NO anchovies. And if you put anchovies on any of the pizzas, I am goin' to personally kick your butt. Otay?"
Leonardo immediately took the phone out of Mike's hand. His hey was heard in the background. "He won't kick your butt. But just don't add the anchovies. We live at 123 1/2 street."
Mike grabbed the phone back. "Hurry up, Dude. You've got 30 minutes. Bye, Dude." He hung up and joined the others.
The pizza delivery guy was the turtles best friend. Sometimes he would help the turtles in their adventures. His name was Sandy. He was the fastest delivery
guy in all the world.
In fourteen minutes, Joey arrived with the seven hot pizzas. Splinter had called a sushi delivering place but since they came late, Splinter had gotten the food for free.
After they were all done eating, the turtles and Splinter went to bed.
"Good night, Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael, and Leonardo. Tomorrow will be a new day," said Splinter.
"Good night," said Don.
"Good night," said Leo.
"Good night, buttheads," said Raph.
"Good night, dudes," said Mike.
Splinter turned off the light and they all fell asleep.
THE END
or is it?...
Bush Should Not Be President
(Written November 9th, 2000, but still holds true for 2004)
Are you homophobic? Do you respect women? Would you like to live in at atmosphere that is hard to breathe? Then why in hell would you vote for George Bush?!
If Bush becomes President, he will destroy the world in which we live - people against each other and the planet dying of pollution.
Since the beginning of time, women were forced to obey men. Laws made it so that women were property, and when they married, everything that was hers, was his. If the women had any children, and if the husband divorced her, he took custody of the kids. Also, women couldn't vote forcing women to believe that they didn't have a voice for themselves. But women did stick up for themselves, and fought for their rights. They fought for the right to vote; the right to own property; the right to life, liberty, and happiness; the right to be equal; and most of all, the right to "own" themselves. So why do we want to vote in a President who wants to take away some of our rights that our ancestors, grandparents, parents fought so hard to get for us?
Sure, abortion is a conversational topic, but can you image what will happen if the Roe vs. Wade case is overturned? Women will go back to illegal or coat-hanger abortions; doctors who do know how to do abortions will be sought out and killed; some women who get pregnant and who aren't sure where to turn because the boyfriend/husband refuses to take responsibility, they may commit suicide or murder; and domestic violence may rise a bit because some men who figure it's the women's fault if she becomes pregnant gets mad because she "forced" him into this situation. Some of this may shock you, but it's nothing new. This kind of stuff happened before abortions where legal, sometimes today, and it will happen even more so if Bush becomes President and bans abortions.
Also, Bush isn't just against women; he's going after the homosexual community. As of today, gays do have some rights (more or less depending where they live) - the right to adopt children, to have civil unions (sort of like marriage), and to sue if a homosexual is discriminated against at his/her job or other places. But Bush wants to change that; he supports the military's policy of excluding gays in the military, and he goes so far to state in Rolling Stone magazine, "An openly known homosexual is somebody who probably doesn't share my philosophy." He doesn't believe in hate crimes against homosexuals; Bush "killed the James Byrd hate-crimes bill because it included sexual orientation as a protected class." (Wenner 68).
And what about parenting? Almost everyone has heard the saying, "anyone can be a parent, but it takes someone special to be called Dad/Mom." Homosexuals can and do have children whether that be their natural kids, or adopted kids. These people can be great parents, but Bush wants to take all of that away from them. He doesn't believe homosexuals can be parents or spouses. Gay couples live together, take care each other, work, and pay taxes. So why can't they go through the same pains and pleasures of marriage?
Now, as couples and single people, gay and straight, get older, they look forward to retirement. Hopefully, a person has thought a head of time and started a savings fund or retirement fund so that they have enough money to live on in the future. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case; that's one reason why we have social security. Currently, people who receive social security get their checks and they spend it on how they see fit. Bush wants to "invest a portion of their [retired people's] Social Security payroll taxes in personal retirement accounts" as stated on www.georgewbush.com. Investing social security? Come on, do some of the elderly have time to sit and wait for returns on their investments? My parents draw social security and they think investing will be a complete waste. They don't know anything about investing and they don't want to. My parents believe it's their money and they will spend it any way they like.
If that wasn't enough to have people struggle harder to survive, Bush also wants destroy our environment - he "favors oil drilling in the Artic National Wildlife Refuge" just so the US has its own oil. (Wenner 72). Wenner also writes that Bush also thinks that saving 40 million acres is a waste; he wants more logging to cut down those pesky trees and make more roads. Without trees, we lose more oxygen and soil erosion happens quickly which later creates sandy soil where only a few plants will grow. The air we breathe doesn't have it easy either. According to www.algore.com, "Texas Leads the Nation in Industrial Pollution. The most recent EPA data shows that Texas leads the nation in industrial pollution, which shows that Texas released nearly 260 million pounds in toxic pollution." If Bush, who was the governor of Texas, didn't care about pollution in Texas, do you think he'll care about what he'll do to the entire environment in the United States? I'm not egsaturating this; of all the 50 states, Texas does have the worst pollution. Bush even beats LA in California!
The funny thing is that even though Bush will destroy the environment, the lifestyles of the people of the US, and how people view each other, Bush may have a chance to being President. The only reason I can think this could happen is because of his name, George Bush. Just like the names, "Calvin Klein", "Fubu", and "Tommy Hilfinger", people don't care about the quality of the product as long as the brand name is cool to sport. Bush isn't a quality product. Just like the brand names, he is for the elite group who has lot of money, who will support his campaign. So he is angling his issues toward them, not at homosexuals, not at the common people, not at people who want a healthy environment, and not at women who fought so hard for their rights. Bush probably realizes that if he couldn't hide behind his daddy's name, he couldn't pass off those issues that will effect and hurt thousands of people. These are the reasons why Bush should not be president.
Bibliography
Balz, Dan and Mike Allen. "Bush and Gore Clash Sharply on Health, Education" Washingtonpost. 17 Oct. 2000. 26 Oct. 2000
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp.dyn/articles/A27919-2000Oct17.html
Birnhaum, Jeffrey. "Al Gore Needs Help - from a Republican." Fortune 17 Apr. 2000: 98.
Gore/Lieberman, Inc. "Big Choices." Gore 2000 Lieberman. 26 Oct. 2000. 26 Oct. 2000. < http://www.algore2000.com/ >
Molotsky, Irvin. "3-Way Poll" The New York Times 7 Mar. 2000: 18, 22.
"Nadar Vows to Remain in Presidental Race . . ." CNN. 26 Oct. 2000. 26 Oct. 2000
http://www.cnn.com/2000/ALLPOLITICS/stories/10/25/nader.gore/index.html
Wenner, Jann. "Al Gore: The Rolling Stone Interview." Rolling Stone 9 Nov. 2000: 58-72.
Vom Frosch im Dornröschens Badewanne
Ich bin ein Prinz im einem Frosch-Körper. Wenn ich nichts zumachen habe, springe ich überall im Schloß hin und her. Jeden Tag höre ich den König und die Königin sagen, "Ach, wenn wir doch ein Kind hätten!" Wie ängerlich! Ich denke, daß ich ihnen helfen kann.
Eines Tages, als die Königin ein Bad nahm, habe ich mit ihr gebumst. Später sagte ich ihr, "Du wirst ein Mädchen haben, mein Schatz."
So ist das passiert... weil sie so glücklich war, wurde ich wieder in einen Menschen zurückverwandelt. Und seitdem bumsen wir jetzt einmal der Woche.
An dem Tag, als sich unsere Tochter in den Finger stach, hatte ich zusammen mit dem König und her Königin wegen Elternrechten mit einem Anwalt gesprochen.Leider war ich bereits tot, als die Hundert Jahre herum waren. Jetzt kennt ihr meine Seite der Geschichte.
Saving Money through your Trash Can
written in 2005 for a Minneapolis online magazine who later decided not to publish this article 'cause I didn't have the "correct" job like all the other mothers who wrote for the magazine
Everyone knows that they should recycle to help keep the environment clean, but not everyone realizes how much money they can save by doing so.
Most people own a 64 or 68 gallon trash can that they park in front of the curb each week. This size trash can costs a first year average of $169.08. If people would put all the items that can be recycled into their recycling bin instead, even a family of four could easily downgrade to a 34 or 38 gallon trash can. These smaller trash cans save you a first year average of $13.56. That may not sound like much at first but remember, after the first year with a new company, you get locked in at the regular rate. And unlike mortgage payments, you will be paying for garbage hauling for the rest of your life. The money you save to switching to a smaller trash can really add up!
What all can be recycled? Many people may not know that plastic shopping bags, many of the plastic bags toy pieces come in, and other plastic bags marked with the recycling icon can be brought to Cub Foods or Wal-Mart for recycling. Don't have a Cub Foods or Wal-Mart in your area? Your local thrift store or salvation armies may accept the plastic and paper shopping bags. If all else fails, the shopping bags fit in smaller trash cans, such as the ones located in your car or bathroom. Shopping bags are free so you don't need to purchase trash bags for your trash cans.
Items such as newspapers, stationary, phone books, plastic food containers, tin cans, Styrofoam products, and cleaning containers can also be recycled. Your recycling program probably provides a booklet on what can and cannot be recycled. It is worth calling the program in your area and asking them to send you a brochure. If you are unsure where to find the recycling program in the phone book, locate your city hall in the government section in the front of your phone book. The people at the city hall will be happy to give you the correct telephone number.
In addition, you may have a recycling company in your area that pays you for recycling your aluminum. This includes aluminum soda cans and other items made of aluminum such as pie tins. Some recycling places will also pay you for other metals. Call them to find out when they give the best prices and what items they accept.
Having your children pick up cans around the neighborhood will not only teach them about keeping the environment clean, but they will also learn that to make money, you have to work for it. This idea will also work well if you live in an area that refunds the deposit on cans and bottles when they are returned to the store. Children enjoy being able to earn their own money and collecting the cans and bottles will provide them with more exercise than running a lemonade stand.
Now if you are lucky to have some outdoor property, otherwise known as a back yard, you can set up a compose bin. Throwing organic food -- fruits, vegetables, grain items like bread, and egg shells -- into a compose bin instead of a trash can will also save you money. Not only is compose great for gardens, it is better (and cheaper) than buying fertilizers and other plant-growing chemicals which may pollute the soil and water. Relocating these leftover food items into the compost instead of the trash will mean more space in your trash can. The fewer items you throw away, the better the environment will be and the more money you save.
You can either purchase a compost bin at a home improvement store, through your county as they may sometimes have special sales on compost bins, or you can even make a compost bin yourself. You can find directions on how to make one at:
www.backyardgardener.com/compost.
Another way to keep your trash can from overflowing is to donate usable clothes, toys, and other items instead of throwing them away. Before buying an appliance, ask the company if they will recycle your old one for no cost. If you have a television, VCR, bicycle, or other item that just needs a repair but the thrift store won't accept it, don't throw it into the trash. There is always someone out there who knows how to repair these items or just likes to tinker with them. You can find these people by putting an ad about your broken item at either:
www.twincitiesfreemarket.org
groups.yahoo.com/group/freecycleTC
www.twincitiesfreemarket.org/links.cfm
These groups are dedicated to people giving items away to other people so that our environment stays cleaner. These groups are great for finding free items for your home too. If a group such as the ones above doesn't exist in your area, contact your local recycling program and ask them to set one up.
After you start using these tips, you'll find yourself saving money by filling your trash can less and you'll be feeling good about keeping the environment clean. You or your children may also make a little money with recycling and perhaps make a friend or two when giving your stuff away to others who can use it. I'm sure you'll agree that keeping the environment clean will make for a better future for our children.
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I received rate information when inquiring about trash hauling for a residence in Brooklyn Park, Minnesota. I called four popular trash hauling companies. They and their rates per month, taxes not included, are listed below:
Waste Management 952.890.1100
32-gallon $10.95
64-gallon $11.95
$2.00 per extra bag
BFI 763.784.2104
32-gallon $13.95
68-gallon $14.95
$2.50 per extra bag
Walters 763.780.8464
38-gallon $17.65
68-gallon $16.00
T&L Sanitation Service Inc. 763.560.3610
38-gallon $9.97
68-gallon $11.81
My Childhood Horror Stories
I wrote a lot as a child, even in kindergarten, I was writing my own books and stories. Most of my earlier work was given to my school librarian. I did keep some of my later work, a few of which you'll find below. These were written when I was nine and eleven years of age for homework assignments (write an original story). Reading these stories now make me wonder why I was never asked to see a child psychologist.
Genesis Answers Questions for a Better Society
Warning: Students to NOT try to steal this paper from the internet. It has been published in a special website database that keeps track and monitors plagarism. Teachers and professors use this database when checking for stolen/plagarized papers. I did NOT want to have my paper submitted to this website, but had to otherwise I would fail the course. Crediting this paper to me will be fine as long as you site your sources! Additional warning: If you truly believe that the Bible is the word of God and is truly original, do not read the following paper.
Gilgamesh XI was written 2451 years before Genesis 6-9 were written. This fact is important for it further shows that for the story of Genesis 6-9, the author2 used Gilgamesh XI as the foundation for their story. Thus the reader can see many similarities as well as some differences between Gilgamesh XI and Genesis 6-9. The author of Genesis 6-9 created these differences to make corrections because Gilgamesh XI had left too many unanswered questions, and its story did not work on teaching its audience how to have a better society. By providing reasons to the god's actions and providing logic to why things were done, the author of Genesis sought to keep an everlasting audience who accepted the author's new ideas and values that were being promoted.
The first unanswered question in Gilgamesh XI is, why do the gods allow the flood? The reader finds no satisfying answer in Gilgamesh XI: "The hearts of the Great Gods moved them to inflict the Flood."3 The reader understands this quote to say that the gods caused the flood because they wanted to; there was no reason for the flood. For those living under these gods (the same gods who decide human fates on a whim), this revelation could be scary as it shows that the gods whom people trust and worship do not really care one way or another for the humans; thus making the humans feel insignificant and their faith meaningless.
Moreover, this insignificant feeling and faithlessness can cause problems in a society so the author of Genesis 6-9 changed this part of the story in two ways. First, instead of mimicking the number of gods in the Gilgamesh XI story, the Genesis 6-9 story has one god, the supreme God. Secondly, the story gives reason for the flood that answers the question of why a god would allow a flood and to teach a lesson at the same time. The reason for the flood in Genesis was because
The Lord saw that the wickedness of humankind was great in the earth,
and every inclination of the thoughts of their hearts was only evil
continually. …the Lord was sorry that he had made humankind on the
earth. So the Lord said, "I will blot out from the earth …people together
with animals and creeping things…"(Gen. 6:5-7) 4
From the above passage, the reader understands that God was angry at the people for being evil; this was why God punished them. The reader also learns from this passage that if he/she want to keep God happy, he/she needs to behave well, otherwise God will punish him/her. Although God promised not to "destroy every living creature," God did not promise that he would not destroy some creatures or individuals (Gen 8:20-21).
The next question that the author of Genesis 6-9 sought to alter in the Gilgamesh XI story was how the survivor of the flood was chosen. In Gilgamesh XI Utanapishtim was chosen randomly. There is no indication in the story that states Ea picked Utanapishtim to be a survivor for any reason other than Utanapishtim had overheard Ea and spoke to him saying, "My lord, thus is the command which you have uttered I will heed and will do it" (XI: 33-34/Kovacs, p. 98). This randomness selection of the survivor shows the reader that the gods did not care if the people acted well or misbehaved; Utanapishtim could have been a murderer. But since he was the one who overheard the god, he would be been chosen anyway. This random choosiness is what the author of Genesis 6-9 changed.
In Genesis 6-9, instead of teaching people that their actions did not matter in the sight of the gods, the author of Genesis 6-9 showed that people's actions do matter and only the righteous people are free from God's wrath: "Noah found favor in the sight of the Lord…Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his generation; Noah walked with God." (Gen 6:8-9). Noah and his family were spared because of his goodness, unlike the rest of the humans during his time before the flood. The reader learns cause and effect with this passage - if he/she does evil, God will punish. If he/she is righteous, god will allow him/her to survive.
Similarly in both stories, the god tells the survivor how to build a boat and to fill it with specific people, animals, and food. Again, the author of Genesis 6-9 changed little bits of the Gilgamesh XI story to fit into the author's version of the story. Although the god in Gilgamesh XI told the survivor to "Abandon wealth…[and]…Spurn possessions…" the survivor loaded silver and gold into his boat (XI:25-26/Kovacs p. 98). Hoarding silver and gold is not "abandoning wealth," but since there is no mention of the survivor being punished, the reader learns that he/she does not need to heed to his/her god's commands. The god's commands are just suggestions on how to live one's life.
In Genesis 6-9, there is no mention of the survivor bringing silver and gold with him. He took aboard only his family (wife, sons, and their wives), food for his family and for the animals, and two of each kind of animal. The survivor obeyed God's commands exactly, "Noah did all that the Lord commanded him," because there is no mention that he did not obey (Gen 7:5). Through Noah's example, the reader understands that one must obey the god's commands exactly if he/she wants to survive, and that gold, silver, or other material possessions are not valued more than human life.
It is also interesting that while the author of Gilgamesh XI had the god say "Make all living beings go up into the boat," the god in Genesis 6-9 states that "…of every living thing…you shall bring two of every kind into the ark" (XI:27/Kovac p. 98). The difference between having all animals go into the boat or only two of each kind shows the logic and planning of the gods. It can be interpreted that the god of Gilgamesh XI did not think it was impossible to bring all animals into the boat or that in reality only two of each are really necessary as the animals can reproduce. Although bringing two of each animal is still impossible considering all the species of animals on the earth, there is logic in bringing only two of each instead of many of one kind.
Also in both stories, to save themselves and the animals from drowning, both survivors were told by their god to build a boat that had a roof, and they used pitch to keep the boat water-tight. Utanapishtim's god had said to him, "The boat which you are to build, its dimensions must measure equal to each other: its length must correspond to its width. Roof it over like the Apsu" (XI:28-31/Kovac p. 102). While Noah's god said to him,
Make yourself an ark of cypress wood…length of the ark three hundred cubits, its
width fifty cubits, and its height thirty cubits. Make a roof for the ark…make it
with…three decks. (Gen 6:14-16).
The author of Genesis 6-9 changed the boat's shape, so that was not in a cubed-shape like the boat in Gilgamesh XI. The cubed-shape boat in Gilgamesh XI was a "theological allusion to the dimensions of a ziggurat, the Mesopotamian stepped temple tower."5 Therefore this change from cube to a more modern boat is important as because by removing this allusion to another god, the author of Genesis 6-9 shows that there is only one God to worship.
Another change Genesis 6-9 made to its version of the Gilgamesh XI story is the naming of the survivors. The main male survivor has a name in both stories, but the author of Genesis 6-9 does take this one step further and gives names to Noah's three sons, but not to the women (the wives of the men). In both stories, the gods' title is capitalized and the god is referred to as male. The reader can find references to the god's gender in Genesis 6:6, "And the Lord was sorry that he had made humankind on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart." In Gilgamesh XI, the god is also male: "Ea spoke, commanding me, his servant" (XL:37/Kovac p. 98). Thus both authors wanted to show that men have higher status over women and that women are there to be a mate in order to "[b]e fruitful and multiply" (Gen 9:1). Because both stories are for teaching the reader, the reader learns that human men are more important than human women. At least in Gilgamesh XI there was a female god, Beletil, to show that women as gods held some power, but in Genesis 6-9, the only god stated has a "he" pronoun (XL:164/Kovac p. 102). The author of Genesis 6-9 shows by lack of women's names that men are the authority, before and after the flood, and through its single male god.
One last big change the author of Genesis 6-9 made in its version of the story of Gilgamesh XI was how the gods responded to the human survivors after the flood. When Enlil "saw the boat…[he]…became furious, he was filled with rage at the Igigi gods: 'Where did a living being escape?'" (XL: 171-173/Kovacs p. 102). Instead of Ea, the god who helped the human survivors escape the flood, standing up for the survivors, he passed the blame onto the survivor for hearing the "secret of the gods" "in a dream" (XL: 193-194/Kovacs p. 103). The gods whom the people worshipped would let another god destroy the humans if he wished. But instead of killing the survivors, Enlil "blessed [them]" and wanted "Utanapishtim and his wife to become like…the gods" (XL: 200,202/Kovac p. 103). The readers can see from Enlil's action of blessing the humans that Enlil can be a compassionate god, and that if the gods make a mistake, they might make people gods like them.
In the story of Genesis 6-9, the reader will find that the author also had a compassionate god who blessed the survivors: "God blessed Noah and his sons" (Gen 9:1), but he did not write that god would turn the survivors into gods. What God did do was to promise "I will never again curse the ground because of humankind…nor will I ever again destroy every living creature as I have done" (Gen 8:21). Again, the author wanted people to understand that the only god would be God, God would not make any other gods, and that even though God's wrath can cause much damage, he was compassionate enough not to kill everything off again.
The reader can see that the story of Genesis 6-9 is based on Gilgamesh XI, and that there were many changes made to the Genesis 6-9 story from the Gilgamesh XI story . It can be interpreted that although both stories wanted to provide insights into the gods, the story of Genesis 6-9 not only answers questions that arise in the reading of Gilgamesh XI, but also seek to inform people about making a society that keeps their God happy by behaving well and that men have all the authority. Because Genesis 6-9 answers many previous unanswered questions with logic and reasoning, the worshipers know how they stand with God and that they can trust God. With the author of Genesis's 6-9 new take on the Gilgamesh XI story, people would read it like a new text and people will absorb all the concepts the author is promoting. This way for years to come a well-behaved monotheism society could be made.
Footnotes:
1 In class, Prof. Levinson stated that the epic of Gilgamesh "goes back to 1200 BCE." The Christian
Apologetics & Research Ministry at http://www.carm.org/bible/biblewhen.htm, states that Moses wrote Genesis around 1445 BCE.
2 There may have been more than one author of Genesis 6-9, but to keep the grammar and style simple, I
have chosen to use "author" instead of "authors" or "author(s)."
3 "Tablet XI." The Epic of Gilgamesh. Trans. Maureen Gallery Kovacs. Stanford: Stanford University
Press, 1998. XI: 14/p. 97
4 Meeks A. Wayne, ed. The HarperCollins Study Bible. New York: HarperCollins,
1993.
5 The Epic of Gilgamesh. Trans. Maureen Gallery Kovacs. Stanford: Stanford University
Press, 1998. XI: 14/p. 99, n.3.
Buch oder Film, das ist die Frage
"Welcher Film ist das?" sagt Udo als er sich auf die Couch setzt.
Ich schaue ihn nicht an. "Hast du keine Augen in Kopf? Es ist Interview mit einem Vampir," antworte ich.
Udo fragt weiter, "Ist das ein guter Film? Hast du das Buch gelesen? Wenn so, was ist besser?"
Ich gebe keine Antwort.
"Was denkst du über diesen Film? Wer ist dein lieblings Schauspieler? Hast du diesen Film oft gesehen? Was ist..."
"Mensch! Scheiße! Was ist dein Problem? Ich schaue diesen Film. Warum fragst du mich?"
"Ich mag dich. Ich finde dich interessant. Ich..."
"Okay, okay. Wenn ich deine Fragen beantworte, gehst du weg?"
"Vielleicht."
"Das ist ein guter Film, ich habe ihn dreimal gesehen, ich habe das Buch gelesen, und der Film ist viel besser. Bevor du diene Mund öffnest, werde ich erzählen, warum diesen Film besser ist.
Er ist besser weil er nicht so lang ist. Das Buch ist ziemlich langweilig und hat keine Fotos. Es gibt zu viel Information und nicht genug Sex. Es gibt auch viel Gewalt, aber die ist viel grafischer in den Film. Die Vampire sind lebendig, und das Sterben ist echter. Überall Blut! Das habe ich gern. Die Vampire Flammen und zu Asche zu verbrennen zu sehen macht mir viel Spaß. Ich frage mich wie echte Menschen brennen. Werden sie zu Asche? Und wie lange brennen sie? Diese Fragen sind für mich sehr interessant." Ich sehe zu als Claudia, ein Vampir, ihre Haare schneidet.
"Du bist ein tolles Mädchen mit tiefen Gedanken." Udo setzt sich näher an mich. Ich schaue ihn irritiert an.
"Ich dachte, dass du weg gehen würdest."
"Das werde ich, aber du antwortest nur auf einige meiner Fragen."
"Na gut. Ich denke, dass dieser Film sehr gut ist. Der Film ist dunkel und humorvoll. Tod ist überall und ich finde das sehr erotisch.
Was noch....? Na ja. Mein lieblings Schauspieler in diesem Film ist Tom Cruise als Lestat, weil Lestat immer noch lebt. Er kann niemals sterben; er kommt immer zurück. Er liebt den Tod so wie ich. Das ist super toll."
Udo legt seinen linken Arm um meine Schultern herum und legt seine Hand auf mein Knie.
Ich starre ihn an. "Ich werde in einer Minute zurück kommen," sage ich. Ich gehe in die Küche und zum Küchentresen, nehme etwas, und komme zurück in das Wohnzimmer.
Ich setze mich auf die Couch. "Willst du mich geil auf dich machen?" frage ich ihn.
"Ja, gerne," sagt er. Als er mich zu küssen versucht, steche ich ihn mit einem Messer in die Brust. Das Blut fließt in Strömen. Er fällt um und ist tot.
"Ah, das tut mir gut," sage ich, als ich das Blut schlürfe. "Die Wirklichkeit ist viel besser als Bücher oder Film."
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Genesis Answers Questions for a Better Society